Autumn

And The Door Closes On Another Chapter

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 19:32:03 GMT

So today I uninstalled DogProxy and Furcadia from my computer.

To be fair, I tried playing a little before I uninstalled the program and I found that it wasn't fun or fulfilling the way it used to be. I mean, it used to be an outlet for my creativity in the form of Role Play that could or couldn't be erotic at the same time. It sucks though because it's not like it used to be. There aren't any good RPers on anymore, which doesn't make it fun anymore. The majority of the people playing are middle school kids who have nothing better to do with their time but run around typing barely coherent sentences. I mean, who wants to try to seriously role play with someone who types LyK DiS? I mean... seriously?

Now, randomness from the other day.

She lay against the warm leather of the seat and closed her eyes. Steady sunlight streamed in through the window of the car, rolled down partially to allow the breeze to filter through and ruffle her recently shorn locks. The warmth permeated the fragile skin of her eyelids making colors dance before her eyes. It was a nice feeling after being away for a while from the things she was used to and had missed so much. Happily, she rested her hand on his atop the gear shift and allowed the steady humming of the engine, the warmth of the sunlight, the smell of the ocean, and the musical cry of seagulls lull her into a contented sleep that she hadn't experienced for quite some time.

:D And now off to take some medication and feed the cat.

My Essay For Zhong Guo

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Fri, 02 May 2008 00:20:39 GMT

Julia Moona
Dr. Yao, Professor Zhang
Journey to the Middle Kingdom
April 28, 2008
People’s Republic’s One-Child Policy

In 1979 Deng Xiaoping introduced the One-Child Policy after feeling much pressure, both internally and externally, to control the rapid population growth in the People’s Republic of China. Since the policy has been in effect the People’s Republic of China has become the target of severe criticism, mostly from Western countries, especially the United States, concerning the policy’s methods of enforcement. However, using Lawrence W. Green’s research about the policy it can be clearly shown that the One-Child Policy is not, actually, a bad thing but, in fact, a wonderful idea that has helped the People’s Republic in maintaining a steady control over the rapid population growth they experienced post-World War II.
The One-Child Policy was introduced in 1979 by Deng Xiaoping to combat the rapid growth of population in the People’s Republic of China. Because of a baby boom that occurred post-World War II, the population in the PRC exploded. By 1980 more than two thirds of China’s population was under the age of thirty and half were under the age of twenty-one. Sichuan Province was the first province to take the lead and start issuing regulations specifying the rewards for taking the One-Child pledge. They also took the lead in regulating the penalties for families who gave birth to a third or subsequent child. By late 1980 the rest of the provinces had followed suit and it was enforced in all of the People’s Republic. The policy was also backed by a marriage law that was instated in 1980 but not full accepted into the system until 1982. The marriage law stated that, “both husband and wife have the duty to practice family planning” (Green 274-275).
Almost immediately after the marriage law was fully integrated into the law the birth of a third or subsequent child was officially banned. In addition to a third or subsequent child being banned, it was included that the birth of a second child was only to be allowed under special circumstances. These special circumstances were pointed out to have included when the first child was born with a birth defect, if one partner is in their second marriage and they have not had any children and the other partner only had one, if their first child was adopted, if a man marries into a family in the countryside that only has one daughter and the bride is an only child, or if the couple is a member of an ethnic minority group.
Despite what many outside critics state, there are many good aspects of the policy. One of the many benefits of the policy is that the government provides a monthly stipend to the one child family that ranges from five to eight percent of the average workers wage until the child is fourteen. In rural communities, often a child is given an adult’s green ration card and ,”counted as 1.5 to 2 people in the allocation of private farming plots” (Green 275-276). Other benefits of the policy include preferential treatment when applying for public housing in urban areas with living space equal to that of a two child family, two extra weeks of paid maternity leave that usually includes eighty percent of the full salary and the highest priority in health care for the child. In a way to offset the bias for sons, the government allows one-daughter families to receive additional rewards such as preference in job assignments.
As in the case of most parents, the education of their child is very important. For the families that abide by the One-Child Policy, the Chinese government includes the highest priority to their child. The government offers admissions into the best nursery, kindergarten, and elementary school with exemptions of tuition costs from primary school to senior middle school.
Because of the large amount of people in the same age group, the Chinese government seeks to push off the age in which couples get marries and when childbearing occurs. In order to make it more desirable to wait, they offer incentives. A couple delaying marriage past the legal marriage age receives an increase in their nuptial leave from 15 days to 22 days. The legal age of marriage is specified in the marriage law discussed previously. It states that, “no marriage shall be contracted before the man has reached 22 years of age and the woman 20 years of age” (Green 275). Women who delay childbirth until after they are twenty-four years of age receive extra maternity leave which is extended from 56 to 71 days. In the case of some companies women can get their maternity leave extended for a full year with pay. Paid leave is also granted to women who get an IUD, an intrauterine device, which prevents future pregnancies.
Ironically, the generous maternity leave worries a good portion of the activists who rally for women to be more involved in professions. They argue that the temptation to accept a full year’s worth of paid maternity leave will set them back with the rapid developments that are being made in technology. This trade-off between a professional career and starting a family is a problem that occurs all over the world in many different countries including the United States.
With the population of older people growing, many of the younger population who are ready to start their own families worry about their needs as elders being taken care of and often this is the basis for having multiple children. In order to combat this, the Chinese government offers different benefits depending on where they are located. In urban areas a supplementary pension, above that provided by the current protection law, is promised to the families who stick to the one-child promise. In rural areas it is guaranteed that they will receive a standard of living equal to or greater than the local average. This also combats the arguments against the policy concerning the Four-Two-One problem, as the guarantees from the government would cover the elderly parents and grandparents from having to rely on the single adult child for their needs to be taken care of.
Because there are benefits to the policy, there are also penalties for families who give birth to more children. Penalties involve being fined and requirement of repayment of money to the government that they paid for the first child. Other penalties involve deductions from fixed salaries, usually five percent for the third child, six percent for the fourth, and so on. Housing status is not changed because of an extra child, however, the penalty is that the extra room is taken up by the second child and if a third child is born there is no room for them. Also, often times there is no maternity leave available for women giving birth to their third or higher number child and the third or subsequent child is often not covered under collective health plans.
One of the biggest cries of opposition from Westerners is that they claim the Chinese government holds a “cruel disdain” for children. This has been proven completely false as in the People’s Republic the child is idolized, nurtured, pampered and cared for well beyond that of Western expectations and the standards that even Western parents go to. However, Green has stated, “to interpret the government’s policy as antagonistic toward children is like criticizing a couple for choosing not to have another child because they can only afford to feed and clothe the ones they already have” (278). Green goes on to say that in no other country, to his knowledge, “is family planning defined as comprehensively, and family planning resources, separate from those of the health ministry, devoted so heavily to maternal and child health, prenatal care, birth defect prevention, early childhood education, and general parenting skills. (278). Even before pregnancy, couples are required to receive a thorough pre-marital examination and counseling. They are also receive a thorough education concerning sexual intercourse, genetics, and birth defects that would meet and possibly exceed the highest standards of American practices of birth defect prevention.
Another of the biggest cries of opposition against the policy come from a series of articles written in the Washington Post by a gentleman who claimed that there is a, “pattern of official coercion and brutality in the name of birth control – sometimes limited to villages and regions – sometimes nationwide” (Green 280) This man, Michael Weisskoph, bases these accusations on second-hand reports from villagers and city hospitals from only a few of the provinces. However, after investigation during the Reagan years no evidence was found that actually supported any of Weisskoph’s accusations that there was any kind of “brutality” or “coercion” going on. While the People’s Republic itself does not confirm nor deny any kind of pervasions to the system, it is not unimaginable that some would occur due to demand of high performance in different sectors. According to Green, “if a family planning worker in a relatively isolated situation assumes that the quality of his work will be judged by the birth rate or IUDs inserted, he or she might well exercise a more aggressive approach to persuading or even forcing couples to accept birth control procedures they might not prefer if they knew their options” (281). However, no matter where this policy was practiced there would always be a chance that this kind of deviation would occur.
The One-Child Policy has been proven, however, through its use in China to be quite effective in controlling the population. The effectiveness highlights that the policy could also be used in other places in the world that need to maintain a rapidly growing population that is followed by a large scarcity of natural resources. The United States and India would be ideal places for the policy to be introduced. The one-child policy’s reduction of population has been proven to help with the severity of several issues which include epidemics, slums and ghettos, overwhelmed social services, and strain on the ecosystem due to over-use of resources. All of these things are needed in the United States and if the One-Child Policy can help ease the severity of these problems it would be an ideal situation.
In conclusion, the One-Child Policy is not a bad idea. The extent to which the People’s Republic is committed to it is what really makes it work. If the pros could be brought to attention of officials in the United States and other countries, it is not unimaginable that the world resources could be made to last longer and the quality of the world’s citizens would be vastly improved. As proved earlier, most of the criticisms against the policy have been disproven and worries over some of possible negative aspects covered by pre-planning before the policy was ever instated.

We Only Said Goodbye With Words

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 19:40:18 GMT

After a whole maybe... six days of being seperated, Jonathan and I ended up getting back together. In case no one's checked Facebook or MySpace. Honestly, it was to be expected when, after all, we're rediculously in love with each other and can barely function without the other. It was a strange and fun several days though.

Now, random songs!

This song is for a certain someone (you know who you are)

And That's for someone close to my heart <3

....

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 23:07:47 GMT

So today I ended it with Jonathan. Almost two of both the happiest and saddest years of my life now come to a close and I can't help but mourn it. It took a lot of thought, but at least I was true to myself. I couldn't keep it up for another three years, and even though I love him and it'll twist my stomach when I think about it, he's better off with someone else. Someone who's at his own level. When all's said and done I wasn't right for him. He's settled and secure in his life and I'm still in a transitional phase in mine. I couldn't find a way to make it work and so I did what I had to do.

I just hope he doesn't hate me in the end.

akldsjfhq;jkdhf

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 17:34:22 GMT

Viciously she slashed at the paper in front of her, his name printed on it in black ink, contrasting with the yellow of the paper. Her pen created a thick black line across the general area where his name was and she glared down at it.

How she despised those that used their wiles against her for when they wanted something or when they thought they were in trouble. How could she stay angry with him when he was so sweet to her just a few minutes earlier, smiling sweetly at her and wishing she was enjoying the nice weather they were having that day? Obstinately she glared out the single window of her tiny dorm room, watching the sunshine streaming through the willow branches and various tendrils of Spanish Moss that hung from it's branches to dance gaily on the green green grass and the dark blue of the water. No shit it was nice weather, this was Florida in the late spring, if it wasn't ridiculously sunny and warm then it was oppressively hot and raining.

Turning back to the paper before her she swiped it roughly from her desk, not caring where on the floor it landed behind her. She'd forgiven him, yes, but that was just part of her nature. 'Forgive but not forget', it was what her mother had always taught her. But she knew, she just knew that the second she started talking to him again, against the wishes of everyone close to her and herself, that he would start to act like he'd done before. Pressuring her to do things against the very things she stood for, and try to make her choose what he wanted her to choose or be faced with the chance of not talking to him again.

She let out a rough breath and pushed strands of her dark hair from her face, irritated that the ends had dissolved into a riot of messy and unruly curls because of the heat. Cupping her hands over her mouth she inhaled deeply, trying to calm herself. This wasn't conductive to trying to live a stress free life. She reached for her laptop, the notes of the last performance still ringing clear in her head, along with his disarming smile, and she hit the play button on her playlist, smiling softly when the smooth jazz notes of Virtual Insanity started playing.

It was time to study now...

Just Something I Randomly Thought Of

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 18:58:26 GMT

Let me touch you
Let me taste you
... I want to kiss you all over

Slide your fingertips across the soft flesh of my stomach
Cup the ample plumps of my breasts in your hands and lave my nipples with your tongue, scraping them with teeth until my cries for more echo through the room
Caress the soft skin along my inner thigh until you reach the core of me to discover the creamy center

Let me touch you
Let me taste you
I want to kiss you all over
I want to possess you
Be mine and mine alone
No one will ever make you feel the way I do...
You know it's true.

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 01:39:44 GMT

Thank God You're Not Angry

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 18:31:18 GMT

Title: Thank God You're Not Angry
Artist: Ai_no_Tenchi
Beta: Juin
Pairing: Reiji x Naoya
Challenge: None
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, but I wish I did.
Warnings: SPOILERS, lemon, yaoi, fluff, POV

Yet another favorite scene from book 10. I think it's my favorite by far. I have an itch to do one more of these, but with Takamiya/Izumi, so I'm working on that one.

Is Aoe-san angry?

****

I stand in the doorway with my overnight bag in slung over my shoulder, fixing the back of one shoe with a hand, when the click of the lock sounds. Looking up, I see Aoe-san entering the apartment we share and I smile at him. "Okaerinasai," I say pleasantly, tapping the toe of my sneaker against the floor to make sure it’s on securely. He starts to close the door, not a word spoken, when I continue, "I'm glad we could meet before I go."

Our eyes meet, then his gaze slides down to the bag hanging from my shoulder and his face becomes reserved. "You're still staying at Haitani's?" he asks slowly, voice and face unreadable. Nodding, I avert my gaze to the wall for a moment.

"Uh… yeah," I reply shortly, a spot on the wall seeming very interesting at that moment. "I was asked to stay with Wataru a bit longer." Slowly, I turn my eyes to him and take in the almost imperceptible downward turn of his mouth. "Is it okay to go?" I ask, and in a way I want him to say that he wants me to stay with him. To not leave him or go anywhere. "Aoe-san...?" I say after silence stretches between us, making me wonder if he'd heard me at all.

With a burst of speed that I can barely follow, he grabs me and pulls me to his body, mouth descending in a kiss that tastes mildly of desperation. The overnight bag slips from my shoulder, thunking to the ground as I raise my hands to brace them on his shoulders. I feel his arms wrap around my waist, hands holding me securely, placed against my spine, which has arched slightly so I can return his kiss better.

"Aoe-san..." I murmur into his kiss when his lips draw away slightly to nibble on my chin. The soft sound of fabric rustling and the cooler air upon the lower skin of my back signals the pulling up of my jacket and shirt. His skin is so warm against mine, hand sliding across my back, right above the waistband of my jeans, before sliding beneath to cup my bottom. "Oh..." I sigh at the contact and the small squeeze, and he twitches his hand again. "My ride... will be here soon..." I start to say as his hand slides farther down, fingertips pressing against my hidden spot, teasing it gently. "...So, um..." I try again, this time my words halted by the gentle pressure of his finger, as if he was going to push it within me. My head leans forward, resting my forehead against his jacket as I jerk against his touch and moan softly.

Without any kind of warning he draws his hands away, pushing me backwards with one hand on my shoulder. I meet his eyes with mine and his face is disapproving, a frown marring his handsome features. "If you're going to refuse," he says while pushing me backwards again, breaking all contact of our bodies save for where his hand is touching my shoulder, "Refuse more seriously." And with that he turns around, starting to remove his coat.

"Aoe-san...?" I am confused and hurt at the same time, unsure of what to do. He hangs up his coat on a peg above where we put our shoes and walks toward the living room, without a glance backwards.

"Take care getting there," is his response before he disappears around the corner and out of my line of vision. I can feel the tears glossing my eyes and my nose burns in preparation. I nod my head to no one and make a sound of affirmation before leaving the house with the bag.

****

Now here I sit on Wataru's bed, holding a book on my lap, staring out into the darkness on the other side of the window. "Oh! Thunder," Wataru says while turning his face to look at me and the general direction of the window, when a loud cracking sound follows a bright flash of light.

"Yeah. They said it'd rain tonight." I stare vacantly out the window at the black sky and dim outline of nearby buildings. "Depending on the location, there'll be thunder and torrential rains." I place the book down on the bed and look over at Wataru when he makes an annoyed sound, and see him bury his face into a pillow. "Wataru... don't tell me you're afraid of thunder?" I say skeptically, noting that his face is flaming up in embarrassment.

"I ain't scared!" he exclaims defensively, jumping up from the bed and making a fist.

Calmly I meet his gaze and tilt my head slightly. "If you're scared, should I sleep with you?" I say, knowing that the suggestion alone would rile him up and make him become even more defensive.

"I told you I ain't scared!" he yells, turning on his heel and bolting out of the room, nearly running into one of the servants carrying a tray laden with food. "Naoya, you jerk!" he shouts as he disappears around the corner and down the hall to some unknown destination. It irritates me that he ran away from his problems like this and I turn my gaze to the window again.

I sit there for some time after the servant leaves, setting down the tray and muttering something about Wataru being in good spirits. The brat doesn't come back and so I’m left alone in the silence to ponder my thoughts. Leaving the book lying on the bed, I move to sit on the ledge fashioned into a bench of sorts in front of the window. My back presses against the glass, feeling the steady beat of rain against the glass panes, and my face turns to stare sightlessly outside.

Is Aoe-san angry? I ask myself again, for what must have been the eightieth time. He seemed so upset when he pushed me backwards and away from his kiss and embrace. I sigh softly, eyes downcast, and I feel ridiculously guilty because he couldn't be angry with me if I'd just given in to his touches and kiss. I wanted to, really I did, but the car was waiting for me outside and, even more than that, Wataru was waiting back at the estate for my return.

I don't want him to be angry with me. How do I fix this? I rack my brain for answers but I can't seem to come up with one. I turn and look out the window again, the rain falling steadily in thick torrents, sheets of grey falling diagonally toward the ground, and I make up my mind. Standing, I grab my jacket, which had been discarded earlier, and shrug it on while I walk down the halls toward the door. Gathering my shoes, I shove my feet into them unceremoniously before stepping outside into the pouring rain.

It seems like I walk forever with nothing but the cold, rain, wind and my thoughts to keep me company. My hair sticks to my face, sopping wet from the rain saturating each strand, and I hastily wipe it from my face, determined that I won’t get lost and that I’ll reach my destination without any hindrance. Inside my head it’s a constant reel of questions, the most prominent one being whether Aoe-san was angry with me. Finally, I round a corner and the building comes into view. A feeling of slight relief flutters in my chest and I stand on the curb across the street, staring up at the approximate area where our balcony is. I’m hoping to see some light, but it’s as if the entire building is sleeping, though it’s only half past nine.

I don't know how long I stand there, staring up at the dark building, rain splashing against my face and in my eyes, before I finally cross the road and punch the code into the metal box, letting myself in. Slowly, I climb the stairs to the second floor landing, and press the elevator button, the doors sliding open almost immediately. I hit the button for our floor and brace my hand against the wall of the elevator as it lurches upwards. Beads of water slide down my face, dripping from the soaked fringe of my hair, into my eyes and down to the floor, making a puddle.

The loud ding of the elevator signaling the arrival of my floor snaps me out of my sightless stare at the growing puddle of water at my feet. Stepping out of the elevator, I stand in front of the apartment door, digging in my pocket for the key. Shakily, I unlock the door, pushing it open and walking inside. A soft jingle sounds as Gyoku comes toward me from wherever he was lounging, and I walk into the living room, having kicked off my shoes. I see Aoe-san standing in front of the sliding glass doors leading to the balcony and staring at me, just as the room is illuminated by a flash of jagged light across the sky.

"What are you doing?" he asks as I draw closer, coming to a halt less than three feet away and watching him carefully. The smoke from the cigarette in his hand drifts upwards, curling in the air around his face, so pale and gossamer against the solid reality of his body.

"No matter what I did, it bugged me and I couldn't sleep." A boom of thunder sounds, so loud that I feel it vibrate in my body. The rain patters steadily against the glass doors, so different from the erratic beating of my heart. "Aoe-san... are you angry about something?" It’s almost painful to force these words from my lips, torn between wanting to know the answer and not wanting to know.

He turns his head and looks away from me, turning toward the doors again. "...No," he murmurs. I stare at him solemnly, trying to figure out what I’m going to say next. My hands fist at my side as I gather the courage to say what I’ve just thought of, the only question that makes any sense as to why he might be angry with me.

"I-I..." I pause and take a deep breath, head turning downward, wet hair flopping into my eyes. "Because I said no to... doing th-that with you, are you angry?" Rivulets of rainwater slide down my cheeks, landing on the hardwood floor, and Gyoku licks them up, seeming not to mind when they drip on him from my jacket sleeves.

"Are you stupid?" I hear him say softly, almost too soft to hear and my head rises slightly, though my face is still turned downwards. "You came home in this weather to ask about something like that?" His words sting, and I can feel my eyes watering for the second time that day. Immediately I wish I hadn't asked him that stupid question.

Suddenly, I feel his arms circling around me, drawing me to him as he meets me halfway, head bowed slightly against the side of my face. "Aoe-sa-"

"I wasn't angry," he says, cutting me off. He clutches me closer, arms closing a bit more firmly around my shoulders. "I just... didn't want to let you go to Haitani's." It is then that the tears finally fall, as my eyes slide shut and I embrace him back.

"Thank God," I say softly, clutching him as close to me as I can. We stand like that for a while, just holding each other as close as possible, taking comfort in each other's presence, before Aoe-san pulls back and regards the now soaked shirt clinging to his chest.

"Come, Naoya," he says, drawing away from me but catching hold of one of my hands. "You need to take a bath or a shower so you don't catch cold." Warmth blossoms in my chest at this suggestion because he is always thinking of my well-being, even if I’m not. He leads me into the bathroom and strips the clothes from both our bodies after turning on the tap. The room easily fills with steam and the glass door to the shower is soon too fogged up to see through. When we’re finally naked he pushes me into the shower, stepping in after me.

Heat floods my body when the spray of the showerhead strikes it. The warmth spreads the longer I stand there and feeling returns to parts of my body. A touch on my hip turns me toward the shower stall door where Aoe-san stands, having shut the door behind him to trap us in here. I reach for him, drawing him under the spray and into my body, arching against him shamelessly and rubbing my already excited shaft against his. Hardness rubs against mine and I moan softly as he strokes a hand down my back seconds before he claims my mouth.

Trying to make up for the height difference, I go up on my toes, welding my mouth to his and balancing myself by steadying myself against his shoulders. His hand cups my jaw gently, but with enough pressure to tilt my head whichever way he wants, deepening the kiss and licking along the inside of my cheeks. The hand that rests on the middle of my back slides downwards around the same time that he ends the kiss.

The hand that held my face slides down to grasp a leg, spreading me for him as the hand that had been sliding down my back finds that hidden place and strokes along its sensitive edges. He toys with me while I close my eyes in pleasure, groaning softly against his shoulder, my mouth pressed against his skin. I shudder softly when he circles a fingertip, and jolt in shock when he slides that finger inside, stroking me rapidly. My eyes fly open and I feel my sac draw tight against my body as I tense up against him, finally releasing against his stomach and my leg with a loud moan.

When I regain my breath, I look down at Aoe-san's hand and see my release on his fingers. "I came..." I say unnecessarily. But Aoe-san pays no attention to my words, simply turning me so that I face the tiled wall with him behind me. "Eh..?" I turn and look at him, slightly confused. "Aoe-san... like this?" I ask, heat causing my face to color. He strokes a hand down my back before pressing up directly behind me.

"It's okay." His hands slide down to my hips, helping to adjust how he wants me. "Lift your hips a little more. Part your legs..." I raise myself up slightly, arching my back so that my hips are positioned just right and my legs are spread a bit wider than shoulder-width apart. "Good. That's it," he says roughly into my ear, and he parts me with his thumbs, displaying me for the shower water to trail over. I stifle a moan at being so spread beneath him, knowing that he can see every part of me and that it’s his alone. He traces the tip of himself over the sensitive ring of muscles, teasing me mercilessly before he drives himself into me without any warning.

I cry out loudly from the shock and the pain of being stretched so wide around him. We've never done it before in this particular position, and he feels three times as large as he normally does. I feel him draw closer, almost cuddling me to his chest as he makes a quick thrust into me. I cry out again, my head thrown backwards and my back arched even more, the angle of my back sharp.

"Too tight?" Aoe-san's voice is strained from holding himself still within me. I make a sound of confirmation and lower my head again, pressing my forehead against the cool tile wall that my hands are steady against. Aoe-san has one hand braced against the wall as well, but the other one holds onto my waist.

"You're big, Aoe-san…" I say, my voice breaking at the end. He says my name and I turn my head to where the fringe of black hair looms at the corner of my vision, and he kisses me. His hips start moving then, slamming in and out of me. I cling to the wall, my head turning to face it, breaking our kiss as I call out in pleasure. All too quickly I feel my release building with a slow intensity in the pit of my stomach. Aoe-san thrusts into me, never once losing his pace, but his breathing grows ragged as I call his name, trying to tell him that I’m about to release myself again.

My eyes close and my head drops, water spilling over my body as I finally scream his name. "AOE-SAN!" I splatter it all over the floor beneath my feet, and I hear Aoe-san call my name as he fills me with his own passion. We stand there, coming down from our high as our bodies recover from the love we've just engaged in.

Aoe-san draws back from me, pulling me into a standing position, looping my arms around his neck so I remain steady as he quickly washes my body. When the suds are rinsed from my skin, I take the bar of soap from him and return the favor, enjoying the feel of his muscles beneath my soapy palms. Lovingly, I wash every part of him and watch as the water cleans him of the soap. I place it back in the soap dish while he shuts off the water and grabs some towels.

I look at Aoe-san, drying himself quickly with his towel, and smile, moving toward him and hugging him warmly.

"Thank God you're not angry with me."

He smiles at me and pauses in his drying to lean down and kiss me firmly. When he pulls back, he touches his lips to my forehead and smiles against my skin.

"Dummy. I could never be angry at you for something so stupid."

End~

Stay With Me Tonight, Don't Leave

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 01:26:01 GMT

[Challenge] Stay With Me Tonight, Don't Leave

Title: Stay With Me Tonight, Don't Leave
Author: Ai_no_Tenchi
Pairing: Reiji x Naoya
Challenge: Say it now because you never know.
Disclaimer: All characters from Love Mode and associated works belong to Shimizu Yuki. I don't own them, but I wish I did.
Warnings: Spoilers for Book 10, Yaoi, Lemon, Fluff, POV

This fic is meant to be as true to the chapter as possible and this is written from Naoya's POV.

He came to love me. He lets me live with him and that should be more than enough but... I pick up yet another piece of chocolate from the box sitting on the coffee table and bite into it. More and more I think of selfish things. I pop the remaining portion of the chocolate into my mouth and allow it to melt into a velvety coating along my tongue and roof of my mouth, closing my eyes to enjoy it more.

I want to be with Aoe-san more.

I open my eyes and look down at the chocolates sitting in the small box, their glossy surfaces gaily decorated to catch the eye, and reach for yet another one. Biting into it I watch the half-eaten box on the table as I chew. Like these chocolates that you can't stop eating... day by day the desire escalates.

I can hear Aoe-san in the bedroom, talking on the phone and I know he's getting dressed. I can see it if I close my eyes, straightening his tie, buttoning his cuff-links, or putting on his watch. The familiar motions of getting dressed all while balancing that cellphone of his on a shoulder and talking sternly into it. Aoe-san definitely doesn't know what I am thinking. And I'm not sure whether or not that's a good thing.

I hear his footsteps drawing closer and he emerges from the bedroom, fully clothed and talking into the phone. I reach for another piece of chocolate, this one wrapped in a bright green paper with a metallic sheen. I start to unwrap the paper carefully, slowly displaying the dark chocolate treat within.

"Yes... I'll be back at the B&B inside of forty minutes." Aoe-san must be talking to Kashima-sama. "The papers?" Another pause in his conversation, as my eyes are downcast, blindly staring at the material of the couch I am sitting on. "...I see." I turn my eyes to the chocolate I have just finished unwrapped and crumple the shiny paper, tossing it into an empty square of the box and put the chocolate in my mouth, chewing slowly on it, gaze turning to the window and staring out into the darkness of the Tokyo night.

He has to work again tonight.

~Earlier That Day~

"Don't go to work. Stay with me tonight." I look up startled from my milkshake, feeling the cool liquid almost freezing in my throat. My gaze meets that of Sensei who is sitting across the cafe table from me, smiling in his usual mischievous way.

"Things like that... you have to say selfish things once and a while." The white and red candy-striped draw falls from my lips and I look down at my milkshake, swirling around the straw in the glass. I can feel the heat in my face, redness certainly staining my face as I continue to fidget with my glass.

"I-Impossible." I state to Sensei now cupping the glass between my hands, letting the cold seep into my warm fingers.

"Why?" I hear him say, before looking up and meeting his gaze. "If he's got a cutie like you sweet on him, Naoya-kun." A cheeky smirk is flashed at me. "That little brother of mine is quite the charmer, I think." He laughed, hand coming up to rest on is jaw and he grinned at me. "Or should I drop you off at the Owner's room again?"

And I can see it in my minds eye. Aoe-san above me on the couch in the dim interior of his office at the B&B, leaning over me his mouth hovering over mine with the warmth of his breath ghosting over my lips while his hand is twisted in the pale strands of my hair. It's so real in my minds eye, remembering how it felt to have him thrust hard into me, the cool feel of the leather against my chest and the warmth of Aoe-san at my back and against my sides.

~Back in the Present~

The memory of what happened earlier strikes me like a blow to the stomach. I stare silently at the floor, face flaming up again. And again it floods back. The memories bombarded my mind and all I could think about was his lips trailing over my throat, my head thrown back in a gasping moan. The feel of him, so warm and firm, and his scent mingling with the cologne that I bought him for his birthday, gently caressing my nostrils as I clutch him closer to me as he whispers my name.

I feel myself twitch, my most secret place pulsing in want and my eyes widen. Oh no. Again I stare down at my feet, trying to will my rising erection back down. My arms cross around my chest as if I can shield myself from this, and maybe I can if I try hard enough. Is it because I remembered? ...I'm so hot all of a sudden. I gasp for breath, feeling as if the breath I'd just exhaled was a puff of steam in a ridiculously hot room. I can't think...

"Naoya?" I hear Aoe-san call my name and I feel myself pulse again. "Are you sick?!" His voice is worried and I close my eyes against it, lowering my feet to the floor from the edge of the couch. Leaning forward slightly I shake my head.

"...No..."

"Naoya?"

Why? Why? Why? I want to bang my head against something and scream but I merely cough a little and avert my eyes. "It's n-nothing..."

"Dummy! There's no way it's nothing!" Comes his angry reply and even though his words are harsh I know that he's just worried about me. My body is reacting on it's own! My skins feels over-sensitive and my clothes are too restricting. I exhale again, feeling the same as before, like my breath is coming out in puffs of steam.

"Why... is this here?!" Aoe-san asks me, holding up the box of chocolates that I'd been eating from. I cough again, this time to mask a frustrated moan that tried to push itself past my lips. "I don't even want to think it, but is it seriously..."

I interrupted him, speaking in a voice that was probably far too breathy. "Today... coming home from school I, by chance, met up with Sensei..." I paused to cover up another moan with a cough and then continued, staring at the carpeted floor. My body was trembling. It's just going to get worse and worse. "He gave them to me and said to have them for dessert tonight..."

I'm not as naive as Sensei thinks. I knew exactly what it was that he handed to me, having been told by Izumi what they were. He'd had personal experience with it and was comfortable enough with me to share his experience with me. Even then, knowing what Sensei was giving me and what it would do if I ate them, I took the box anyway and ate them. What do I do now? The trembling of my body only worsened and I tried to push myself up off the couch to stand. "I'm going to bed." I said suddenly, my face caught between shame and a severe blush.

I got halfway up when my legs gave out, unable to support me because they were trembling so bad. "Naoya!" And in confusion I landed into Aoe-san's lap, straddling one of his legs. In that few seconds of confusion, it was as if my body acted upon it's on, rubbing sensually along Aoe-san's leg and up against his pelvis. There is no answering hardness to rub against mine and immediately I am ashamed of my actions.

I squeeze my eyes shut with as much force as I can muster before launching myself out of Aoe-san's lap and bolting for the door toward the bedroom. "Naoya!?" I hear him yell after me, and lean awkwardly toward the door handle mid-stride when I feel his much larger hand close over mine. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes, ready to fall because now Aoe-san must think me shameless and he could be angry with me. He yanks me toward him and looks down at me while I try to hide my face and watery eyes from his view with my hair. "Hey.. wait..." He says and I just squeeze my eyes shut all the tighter, trying to keep the tears from falling.

And before I even registered moving, I was being slammed up against the closed bedroom door, Aoe-san's lips crashing against mine and kissing me harshly. He pins both of my hands above my head with one of his while he cups my jaw, angling my head so that he can force my jaw open to delve his tongue inside my mouth. Startled by all this, my eyes are wide as I stare at him from less than a few centimeters away. "Nn..." is all I can say as the kiss deepens as my eyes slide shut around the same time his hand slides away from my jaw and downwards.

I feel the touch of his hand sliding down my body so acutely that it's almost like I have no clothes on and it's skin to skin contact. I moan into his mouth, the sound nothing more than a muffle and arch into his touch as his hand delves under the waistband of both my shorts and my boxers. I feel his hand grip my length, stroking it quickly and drawing more gasping moans from me, greedily absorbing his touches and kiss. His hand slides farther down, and he bends slightly to accommodate the height difference as his fingers delves into that hidden place. When he shoves two fingers within me I break off the kiss, slamming my head backwards against the wall and crying aloud to the silent room.

His fingers withdraw from me and his hand removes itself from my clothing, though he remains close to me. I gasp against his mouth, lips parted to allow the violent rush of air, and I know he can feel my breath on his mouth, he's so close to me. He releases my hands and moves his head back slightly as my arms fall to my sides.

"Don't cry." He speaks so softly that I stare up at him. Stepping closer, he pulls me into an embrace, my face very close to his shoulder. "The reason you got aroused is the chocolate you ate. Those chocolates contained an aphrodisiac." Gently he explains to me. One hand rests against my back, pulling me closer and rubs along the length of my spine in a soothing motion. "It's not because you've gone crazy or anything. So don't cry like that." I rub my face against his shoulder, the material of his suit jacket soft against my skin and I embrace him back, gripping his jacket material in my fingers. His hand rises to cup the back of my head he rests his jaw against the side of my head. "But even though I say that, until the drug wears off you're probably going to cry a few times."

He drew back from the embrace and grabbed my hand in his, drawing me away from the door so he could open it and lead me into the bedroom. It's dark in there with no light save for the one from the living room spilling in onto the floor. We draw closer to the bed and he motions for me to sit, placing himself directly behind me when I do.

With my back pressed against his chest, he leans forward and pushes at the black shorts I'd been wearing, shoving them down my legs along with the underwear beneath them, until they are far enough down that I kick them off. I tilt my head back at the urging of the light touch of his fingertips against my chin and meet him for a kiss. My mouth opens for him and I moan at the first moist slide of his tongue against mine, and then again when he pushes my shirt up and slips a hand beneath the material to tease an already hard nipple. I gasp and he breaks his mouth away from mine as he takes my length in hand once more and starts to stroke and rub it.

I lean forward against the hold he has on me, trying to press further into his hand but simultaneously trying to escape. The pleasure is mounting too fast and I can feel that familiar tensing beginning in the pit of my stomach. My length is so hard and so blood-filled that it's sensitive, every touch feeling ten times more intense than normal.

"Don't..." I gasp, shuddering slightly. "Rub..." A moan escapes my lips. "It.... hurts..." There is no response to this statement, but Aoe-san's strokes cease and gently turns me around and lies me down against the softness of the mattress. My face pressed slightly into the soft sheets, I turn my head to look at him. "Aoe-san?" I ask in confusion and that's when I feel the warmth of his breath blossom against my inner thigh.

My eyes widen as I see him there, partially laying between my legs, one hand holding a leg aloft so he can reach his target. His dark head draws closer and I realize what he's going to do seconds before his hand grasps my length again to hold it still before his mouth descends onto it. My eyes squeeze shut against the moist fire of his mouth and I grit my teeth, making a senseless noise of startled pleasure. This is so much more potent than his hand and it's like I'm right there, just before the point of orgasm, hovering so close. His tongue swirls around my tip as his hand does a twisting motion that causes my eyes to snap open as I feel my sac draw tight against my body.

My back arched up, leaning most of my weight on my shoulders and the back of my skull as everything descended into a haze of pleasure. I groaned aloud and settled back down on the bed, back flat against the sheets. I covered my face with my hands, knowing that there had to be tears falling from my eyes as I exhaled in harsh moans. I felt Aoe-san's hands gently grasping my wrists and pulling my hands away from my face, setting them at my sides on the bed.

"Dummy. If you cry that much your eyes will be red tomorrow." His lips traced against my temple as he settled a hand in my hair, stroking the strands as I blushed and sniffled. I reached up and wound my arms around his neck, inhaling his scent and drawing on his calm.

"Aoe-san.." I started brokenly, my voice low and very close to his ear. "Don't go, please stay with me tonight." I whispered to him, unable to say it louder. I felt his lips curve against the side of my face and he leaned down so that I lay back against the bed and he was partially atop me.

"Dummy." He said again, amusement in his voice. "Of course."

End

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 03:51:30 GMT

Okay so it's been three weeks and I can definately say I'm better, though practically dying from the overload of work that I've been given. It kills but it thrills at the same time (?).

Following up with the last entry I made, I can faithfully say that the professor I met with that day did, indeed, chew my ass out again. Though I wasn't fit to stand for it and I called my mother since the lady had said I was "going to end up at McDonald's" for the rest of my life and that she "hoped [i] got kicked out so that someone who wants to be here can take [my] place." Pretty uncalled for and upsetting to someone who's already upset and all that. So I filed a complaint against her with the Dean of Faculty and I haven't really had any more issues with her recently save for the two Academic Warnings she's sent on me but I'm doing better.

Anyway... I've been so busy this past couple of weeks that I feel like I've been running around like a chicken with it's head cut off, blood spurting everywhere. However, I've spent about 5 hours collectively at church and while I'm a far cry from being religious, I do find it comforting to pray to the Lord and ask for his assistance in addition to praying to the Goddess and speaking with her.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to try to gain the Rollins e-mail for the head of the Knowles Chapel and see if I can start taking the necessary classes to get my first communion. It'll make my family happy because it means something to them in a way that it might never mean to me. I do look forward to learning more about the religion I was Baptized in, but a part of me will always be loyal to the Mother Goddess as well as the Lord and Jesus.

Anyway. Off to write a paper.

I'm Poised To Fall Again...

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 04:20:18 GMT

So the last time I updated I was pretty upset considering that my professor was an asshole to me. Out-of-Control Hormones + Asshole Teachers = Severe Depression

So as you can imagine, I was pretty upset about the whole ordeal. In fact, the fact that that specific professor had been an asshole coupled with my adviser previously telling me that I wasn't trying and I was slacking off too much (which was/is completely true) made me very depressed indeed. I was pretty down the rest of the week, only really recovering in the middle of last week. I've only now just resumed contributing to class discussions again.

However, today I got back a paper that I wrote in the pre-almost-breakdown period and I wasn't surprised to find that I had gotten a big fat F on it. Fact was, I hadn't understood or followed the directions correctly and so I ended up failing the whole paper. And that really sucks since in order to combat this bad grade I need to write the best goddamn paper ever to grace this woman's desk for my final paper. This, understandably, is going to take quite the effort and I'm going to be struggling with it, though I do have a while to write it and get myself together for it.

It brings my mood down some to know that I failed a paper, but at least I'm more determined now to make it much better. Being told I'm pretty worthless and wasting my time and the teacher's time in class by one of my professors whom I had (previously) thought was pretty cool, was quite the bitch-slap to my ego. Not that there really was one of those left after she tore me apart with her words and pretty much spit on the pieces. If anything, it was more a blow to my pride.

Granted, I know now that I can't do in college what I did in High School. It was so easy for me in High School. I was so smart and more advanced, intellectually, than the other students in my grade and even some beyond mine, that I coasted through without too much problems. I didn't ever study, I hardly did homework, and I slacked off until the last possible moment when I would throw something together and half-ass the whole thing. And still I graduated with a 3.79 GPA, which is incredible. And look at me now, I'm stuck with a 2.0 GPA wondering what's going to happen if I don't work some magic with my grades this semester. I'll lose my scholarships if I don't raise it to at least a 2.5 since that is what's required to maintain the Medallion.

I have a meeting again with the teacher that cut me down above the knees. I don't know what she's going to say to me, but I'm going to try to be harder and not react to whatever she says. I know I probably got a bad grade on the last quiz since I was studying the wrong things, but I'm trying harder. The paper I just turned in today was actually pretty alright. I tried a good amount, and even though I was unsure of how I was supposed to articulate some things, I did as well as I could.

Hopefully I don't get too chewed out and I can manage to walk out of that office without breaking into tears two steps from the door...

Wish me luck...

This Week Just Sucks

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 16:35:14 GMT

Tenchi no Shii (10:03:50 AM): So...
eternalxd3stiny (10:04:00 AM): so...
Tenchi no Shii (10:04:28 AM): One of my professors just called me unorganized (which I am) and questioned whether or not I even listen in class
Tenchi no Shii (10:04:52 AM): She wanted me to bring the quiz that i bombed in her class I didn't want to tell her that I'd torn it up and thrown it away.
eternalxd3stiny (10:05:10 AM): ....
eternalxd3stiny (10:05:13 AM): ok?
Tenchi no Shii (10:05:21 AM): Would you want to look at a 38?
eternalxd3stiny (10:05:54 AM): hell yea
eternalxd3stiny (10:05:55 AM): haha
Tenchi no Shii (10:06:05 AM): :\
Tenchi no Shii (10:06:18 AM): Okay. Well maybe you do, but I certainly don't.
eternalxd3stiny (10:07:12 AM): haha jk
eternalxd3stiny (10:07:14 AM): awww
eternalxd3stiny (10:07:16 AM): *hugs
Tenchi no Shii (10:09:53 AM): She was like "You were absent once last week."
Tenchi no Shii (10:10:19 AM): And I told her I was at the doctor's. She was like "Well you didn't call or e-mail me to let me know."
Tenchi no Shii (10:10:27 AM): But it's not like it was planned or anything
eternalxd3stiny (10:10:32 AM): omg
eternalxd3stiny (10:10:36 AM): what a bitch teacher
Tenchi no Shii (10:10:37 AM): I was having an allergic reaction to medication.
Tenchi no Shii (10:11:10 AM): At that point, my foremost concern is my health not the damned class.
eternalxd3stiny (10:11:36 AM): omg...what a BIATCH
Tenchi no Shii (10:11:57 AM): You're telling me. >.>
Tenchi no Shii (10:12:14 AM): I would think personal health outranks classes by a longshot.
Tenchi no Shii (10:12:33 AM): When I become worried about dying or going into anaphalaptic shock everything else is just not important.
Tenchi no Shii (10:13:27 AM): I don't want to come back here, but my parents aren't giving me a choice.
eternalxd3stiny (10:14:03 AM): wow..
eternalxd3stiny (10:14:07 AM): you should talk to the dean
eternalxd3stiny (10:14:10 AM): abt your situation
Tenchi no Shii (10:14:37 AM): -shrugs-
Tenchi no Shii (10:15:53 AM): I didn't bring anything with me to meet with her this morning because all I did was roll out of bed and go. What the hell can you ask of me when I've only gotten a few hours sleep styuding fro her bloody quiz? She said that my lack of things was just wasting her time and my time. That I seemed to be an erratic person and wasn't organized at all.
Tenchi no Shii (10:17:07 AM): She had emailed me and said "Can you meet with at my office at 9:15-9:45 and I misunderstood and thought that it was a timeframe and said that I could be there at 9:30. She emailed me back and clarified that she wanted me to be there at 9:15 and I was like ".... okay. I'll see you at 9:15 then."
Tenchi no Shii (10:17:25 AM): And she accused me today of wanting to show up when i wanted to and all that shit.
Tenchi no Shii (10:18:00 AM): Nevermind that I didn't have any idea where the hell the building was and got lost trying to find it.
Tenchi no Shii (10:19:08 AM): Damnit. I need anti-depressants.
eternalxd3stiny (10:19:17 AM): omg..
eternalxd3stiny (10:19:26 AM): you should seriously complain to the dean about here
eternalxd3stiny (10:19:27 AM): *her
eternalxd3stiny (10:19:36 AM): she's a fucking PMSing biatch
eternalxd3stiny (10:19:39 AM): that's what she is
Tenchi no Shii (10:26:42 AM): I wish I could just drop the class, but it's too late now.
Tenchi no Shii (10:30:12 AM): z.,
Tenchi no Shii (10:30:13 AM): ><
Tenchi no Shii (10:31:21 AM): I went to a tutoring thing yesterday for her class and I found that it was a waste of my time since all the girl did was tell me that my notecards were wrong and that I needed to do them differently. The way she proposed was fine and in the future I'll do it that way
Tenchi no Shii (10:32:00 AM): But the professor was like "I find it hard to believe that you didn't get anything out of it. Another student took the tutoring with her and her grade jumped quite a bit."
Tenchi no Shii (10:32:50 AM): At this point, I'm just going to finish the class and when the end of the semester class reviews come, I'm going to lay it straight in it.
eternalxd3stiny (10:35:57 AM): effin biatch
eternalxd3stiny (10:36:03 AM): you shouldnt take that from her though
eternalxd3stiny (10:36:06 AM): it's bullshit
Tenchi no Shii (10:36:15 AM): At this point, I don't have an option
Tenchi no Shii (10:36:49 AM): My mom keeps telling me to man up and just go through the class. Get a great grade in the class and prove to her that I'm serious about the class and whatever.
eternalxd3stiny (10:38:05 AM): yea but still
eternalxd3stiny (10:38:11 AM): she gonna continue to give you crap
eternalxd3stiny (10:38:14 AM): and it's like blehhh
Tenchi no Shii (10:39:18 AM): I guess I'll get used to it? idk
Tenchi no Shii (10:39:25 AM): I'm just... really depressed
Tenchi no Shii (10:39:35 AM): I don't know what I should do anymore.
Tenchi no Shii (10:39:55 AM): And even Kayla was like "Wel... you are a shitty student"
eternalxd3stiny (10:41:49 AM): ...
eternalxd3stiny (10:41:50 AM): O.O
Tenchi no Shii (10:42:08 AM): Some friend, huh?
eternalxd3stiny (10:43:30 AM): wow...
eternalxd3stiny (10:43:34 AM): that is mean
eternalxd3stiny (10:43:37 AM): i'm sorry
eternalxd3stiny (10:43:43 AM): *huggies
Tenchi no Shii (10:44:44 AM): It's not your fault.
eternalxd3stiny (10:45:17 AM): iunno
eternalxd3stiny (10:45:28 AM): but you're having such a bad time
Tenchi no Shii (10:47:57 AM): I want to go home.
eternalxd3stiny (10:50:44 AM): you should
eternalxd3stiny (10:50:48 AM): it's a long weekend
eternalxd3stiny (10:50:49 AM): take a break
Tenchi no Shii (10:50:59 AM): It's not a long weekend here.
Tenchi no Shii (10:52:22 AM): Just a regular one.
Tenchi no Shii (10:52:34 AM): I am so depressed right now.
eternalxd3stiny (10:54:17 AM): awww
eternalxd3stiny (10:54:23 AM): dont think about it
eternalxd3stiny (10:54:32 AM): or go out with some friends
Tenchi no Shii (10:54:43 AM): I think I'll stay on campus.
Tenchi no Shii (10:54:49 AM): I don't want to go home.

---

Days like this, I dont know what to do with myself.
All day - and all night.
I wander the halls along the walls and under my breath.
I say to myself.
I need fuel - to take flight -

And theres too much going on.
But its calm under the waves, in the blue of my oblivion.
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion.

Is that why they call me a sullen girl - sullen girl.
The dont know I used to sail the deep and tranquil sea.
But he washed me shore and he took my pearl -
And left an empty shell of me.

And theres too much going on.
But its calm under the waves, in the blue of my oblivion.
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion.
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion.
Its calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion.

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 04:14:19 GMT

So I have some shitty icons. xD

Nothing much interesting has happened recently in my life. Well except Navin had another baby, and she's perfect, save for being 10 weeks early. Anyway...

To be completely honest, the only reason I use LJ anymore is that I read a lot of fics on here so yeah. (House/Wilson, Project Runway, Calanthe [OMFG I <3 YOU!!], etc...) so yeah..

=D

So... Random update

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 18:55:20 GMT

So it's been a while right? lol I highly doubt anyone reads this anyway. =) I hardly have time to update anymore but I seemed to remember that I have one of these thingies.

So lets see... what's new in my life?

Well for starters I'm unofficially engaged to Jonathan. I love him so much and I miss him too. While I go to college at Rollins, he's working steadily in California and while that's a while away I steal away every chance I get. My mom doesn't seem to have that many issues with me going to see him every chance I ask and so I take her up on it. Then again, it was a fair trade between her and I when she said I had to stay in Florida while he moved to California for work. It's been hard, I'm not going to lie. But hell, what doesn't destroy us will only make us stronger, right?

Uh... I've been hanging around Neisha's a lot lately. And it's not that I've had a craving for her company (although she is lots of fun when she's sober and our new friend Kirsten is around) it's more that I just want to avoid my mom's house. She's hardly home anyway and so it's not like she would really see me. Plus, give us an hour together and we're bound to start fighting about something that's stupid. Thus I don't want to stay there.

I can't wait until I get to go back to campus. Seriously. I miss my roommate Sarah and I miss having all my crap. Most of it is still in the room on campus and I don't think we're allowed back until the 13th or so. Which is pretty lame but what can you do? I talked to Sarah and she got her wisdom teeth taken out right after Christmas (same as me but last year) and she's been having a hard time with it. She said she should be fully healed by the time she flies back to Orlando from Houston so I don't think anything will have changed. At least nothing major.

I think our plant died. Poor Elliott (or was it Elijah?). I was supposed to take him with me when we left the room since Sarah left before me but I was in such a rush that I forgot him. Maybe someone who was fixing the AC unit decided to be nice and water him? I don't really think so and I'm not holding my breath. So if he's dead by the time we get back I'll just throw him out and get a new plant. There's tons of them that are probably a lot prettier and that flower.

Oh! Jonathan got a cat. He's so cute. I can't lie and be like "Oh I wanted a cat from the beginning." because I didn't. I wanted a dog but he's not allowed to have a dog in his apartment complex. That sucks, but oh well. Anyway, he went to the local animal shelter and adopted Toby. He's the most adorablest kitty in the world and I love him to pieces. He's just so sweet and cuddly. He meows when he wants you to pick him up and hold him and he's extremely well behaved. He doesn't scratch the couches or anything, only his scratching post and maybe the occasional speaker, but then we just spray him with a water bottle. He's so cute though and likes to cuddle and pounce on mommy's feet when she's in bed.

Pictures of him can be found here...
http://www.actaeonlf.com/images/toby/tobydance.jpg
http://www.actaeonlf.com/images/toby/tobyjump.jpg
http://www.actaeonlf.com/images/toby/tobystare.jpg
http://www.actaeonlf.com/images/toby/wrappingpaper.jpg
and here
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a368/Aznbabygirl83/DSC_0074.jpg
http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a368/Aznbabygirl83/DSC_0078.jpg

And just because I can....

Pantsu! Pantsu! Pantsu kudasai!

Random Songage and Linkage <3

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Sat, 13 Jan 2007 03:45:04 GMT

Okay, so I know that I haven't been great with the updating, but I got an account on DeviantArt and now I pretty much use the blog on that (nevermind that no one reads it. XD)

Um... my art is posted on DA in case anyone wanted to see it. XD. I finally figured out how to use my scanner, so I'm pretty happy with it. Meh, though. I'm kinda miffed about Ana's criticism of some of my art, even though I knew there was shit wrong with it. Gah, I'm just not tha6t great with the crits. Fuck 'em. I <3 me. LMAO

http://yoseiichang.deviantart.com

^ That's the link, so get goin' niggas! XD Yeah, that's right. I just called you a nigga. lol, unless you happen to be a niglet XD

Yeah.....

But this song rocks, and it soooo makes me think of myself from maybe Jonathan's POV? XD

~~~~~
Buckcherry
Crazy Bitch

Break me down
You got a lovely face
We're going to your place
And now you got to freak me out
Scream so loud
Getting fucking laid
You want me to stay
But I got to make my way

Hey!
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Hey!
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Take it off
The paper is your game
You jump in bed with fame
Another one night payed in full
You're so fine
It won't be a loss
Cashing in the rocks
Just to get you face to face

Hey!
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Hey!
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Get the video
Fuck you so good
Get the video
Fuck you so good

Crazy bitch
Crazy bitch
Crazy... bitch

Hey!
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Hey
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back
Come on!

Baby girl
You want it all
To be a star you'll have to go down
Take it off
No need to talk
You're crazy but I like the way you fuck me!

Hey!
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Hey!
You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good I'm on top of it
When I dream
I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

You keep me right on
You're crazy but I like the way you fuck me!

These Things I'll Never Say...

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 03:07:25 GMT

I'm tuggin' at my hair
I'm pullin' at my clothes
I'm tryin' to keep my cool
I know it shows

I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
I'm searching for the words inside my head

I'm feeling nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth this
Yeah...

If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I want to blow you--away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down--on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

It don't do me any good it's just a waste of time
What use is it to you what's on my mind?
If it ain't comin' out, we're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care?

'Cause I'm feeling nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it
Yeah...

If I could say what I wanna say
I'd say I want to blow you--away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I wanna see
I want to see you go down--on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

(What is)What's wrong with my tongue?
These words keep slipping away
(I stutter)I stutter (I stumble)I stumble like I've got nothing to say

'Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it
Yeah...

I guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I want to blow you--away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down--on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

These things I'll never say

Drive Away

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 17:50:20 GMT

Shes gone away (away)
Still they stay together,
People call me crazy, crazy.
My thoughts progress (progress),
Thinks about forever,
My mind tells me maybe, maybe.

I wish I could drive away to the sunset back to the day that we first met,
Only believe the things I wrote,
I'll put it in a note, yeah,
I'll cross my T's and dot my I's,
Better say hello, don't you dare say goodbye,
I'll write sincerely yours and sign my name,
P.S. I love you, forever and today.

Two weeks have go by, (go by)
Seems like it's been the weather.
The rain falls down,
She's crying, crying
My thoughts progress,
She thinks about forever,
Their hearts are bound lying, lying.

I wish I could drive away to the sunset back to the day that we first met,
Only believe the things I wrote,
I'll put it in a note, yea,
I'll cross my T's and dot my I's,
Better say hello, I'm gonna wave goodbye,
I'll write sincerely yours and sign my name
P.S I love you, forever and today

All the heartache, all the pain,
All the words you said in vain,
And I'll never be the same.

I wish I could drive away to the sunset back to the day that we first met,
Only believe the things the things I wrote,
I'll put it in a note, yeah ,
I'll cross my T's and dot my I's,
Better say hello, I'm gonna wave goodbye,
I'll write sincerely yours and sign my name
P.S I love you, forever and today.
Forever and Today
Forever and Today
P.S I love you, forever and today

You do something to me that I can't explain...

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Sat, 25 Nov 2006 13:35:12 GMT

So I don't know how long it's been since I've updated but apparently it's been a while. I havn't been reading anyone's LJ's because I'm hardly on the computer anymore unless it's in Web Design class (T-T). But um... let's see about some updates.

Jonathan and I are still dating. ^_^ It's going on three months on the 1st. So *yay*. I'm uberly happy with him and all. He's wonderful and I'm glad that my mom finally got over herself and loves him too. I don't know if I've ever been quite so happy with someone. We don't fight or argue, though I do tend to bat at him a lot >< and that makes me sad but he's so loving and forgiving. XD

I work at Godiva Choclatir in the Florida Mall now. I've been working here for about two months and I absolutely fucking love my job! I mean... who doesn't love a job where you have a ton of fun and get to eat chocolate all day? I don't get a lot of hours because we have so many people and I'm looking to get a second job in the mall, just something temporary until the end of the seasonal period so that maybe I can go partial Full-Time at Godiva. It really is an awesome job.

But aside from that I don't know what else is new.

~~~

Incubus
I Miss You

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold Utopian dream
You do something to me that I can't explain
So would I be out of line if I said
I miss you

I see your picture I smell you skin on
The empty pillow next to mine
You have only been gone ten days
But already I'm wasting away
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon
But I need you to know that I care
And I miss you

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Wed, 18 Oct 2006 18:47:27 GMT

Okay so it's been a while since I've updated. It's not that I don't want to, because I do, but it's more that I just don't really have time anymore. A lot has changed since my last update and I can honestly say it's been for the better. I'm so much happier and I'm hardly ever in a bad mood. It's wonderful.

That's my baby Jonathan. He and I have been together since 9.02.06 and I'm so very honored to be his girlfriend. I actually think I might have made a post about it, but it was prolly just bunnies with the date. That was taken at Halloween Horror Nights and I know I look stoned but I was exhausted, NOT high. LMAO I think I can honestly say that he's one of the best men out there, if not the best, for me. He's so kind and concered, generous, loving, and just awesome in general. I love him to death and I'd do a lot just to be with him. I miss him terribly when I don't see him but he's an awesome influence to me. He's hard working, dedicated, and determined. All of which are awesome qualities.

I have a new job too. I work at Godiva... or rather tomorrow is my first day. I'm stoked and can't wait to start. I don't know if there's anything that I havn't tried at Godiva but we'll find out. They renamed stuff so I have to learn the names of everything again since now they're not called bouchees, I think they're just clusters... which is gay since Bouchee was really pretty. Ah well though.

~~~
My Love
Justin Timberlake

If I wrote you a symphony
Just to say how much you mean to me
what would you do
If I told you you were beautiful
Would you page me on the regular
tell me would you

Well baby I've been around the world
But I aint seen myself another girl
like you
This ring here represents my heart
But there is just one thing I need from you
saying I do

Because, I can see us holding hands
walking on the beach our toes in the sand
I can see us in the country side
sitting in the grass laying side by side
You can be my baby
Gonna make you my lady
Girl you amaze me
Ain't gotta do nothin crazy
See all I want you to do is be my love

My love
My love
And I know no woman that could take your spot
My love
My love
My love
And I know no woman that could take your spot
My love
My loooooooove
Looooooove
My loooove
My loooove

Now If I wrote you a love note
And make you smile with every word I wrote
what would you do
Would that make you wanna change your scene
And wanna be the one in my scene
tell me would you

See what's the point in waiting anymore
Cause girl I've never been more sure
that baby it's you
This ring here represents my heart
And everything that you been waiting for
Just saying I do

Because, I can see us holding hands
Walking on the beach our toes in the sand
I can see us in the country side
Sitting in the grass laying side by side
You can be my baby
Gonna make you my lady
Girl you amaze me
Aint gotta do nothin crazy
See all I want you to do is be my love

My love
My love
And I know no woman that could take your spot my
My love
My love
My love
And I know no woman that could take your spot my
My love
My looooooove
Loooooove
My looooove
My loooooove

Shorty, cool as a fan
On the new once again
but Still has fans from Peru to Japan
Listen baby, I don't wanna ruin your plan
But if you got a man, try to lose him if you can
Cause your girls real wild throw your hands up high
Wanna come kick it wit a stand up guy
You don't really wanna let the chance go by
Because you ain't been seen wit a man so fly
Friend so fly I can go fly
Private, cause I handle mine
t.i. - Call me candle guy, simply because I am on fire
I hate to have to cancel my vacation so you can't deny
I'm patient, but I ain't gonna try
You don't come, I ain't gonna die
Hold up, what you mean, you can't go why
Me and you boyfriend we ain't no tie
You say you wanna kick it with an ace so high
Baby, you decide that I ain't your guy
Ain't gon lie ,Me in your space
But forget your face, I swear I will
Same mark, same bullet anywhere I chill
Just bring wit me a pair, I will

I can see us holding hands
Walking on the beach our toes in the sand
I can see us in the country side
Sitting in the grass laying side by side
You can be my baby
Gonna make you my lady
Girl you amaze me
Aint gotta do nothin crazy
See all I want you to do is be my love

Love
My love
Love
My love
Love
And I know no woman that could take your spot
My love
Love
My love
Love
My love
Love
And I know no woman that could take your spot
My looooooove
Loooooove
My looooooove
My Looooove

And you're still here...

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Fri, 29 Sep 2006 20:13:17 GMT

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby
And you've never met anyone
As negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met
I'm the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
As positive as I am sometimes

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive agressiveness can be devistating
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as everything as I am sometimes

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
And you're still here
And you're still here

Please Come Back Home...

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 19:00:11 GMT

Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone

She said somedays I feel like shit
Somedays I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit
I don't understand why you have to always be gone
I get along but your trips always feel so long
And I find myself trying to stay by the phone
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone
But I feel like an idiot, working my day around a call
And when I pick up I don't have much to say, so

I want you to know its a little fucked up that
I'm stuck here waiting, at times debatin
Telling you that I've had it with you and your career
Me and the rest of the family here singing

Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Please Come back home

You know, the place where you used to live
Used to barbeque with burgers and ribs
Used to have a little party every halloween
with candy by the pile but now
you only stop by every once in a while
Shit
I find myself just filling my time
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind
I'm doing fine and I'm plannin' to keep it that way
You can call me if you find that you have something to say
And I'll tell you

I want you to know its a little fucked up that
I'm stuck here waiting, at times debating
Telling you that I've had it with you and your career
Me and the rest of the family here singing

Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Please Come back home

I want you to know its a little fucked up that
I'm stuck here waiting, no longer debatin'
Tired of sittin and hatin' and making these excuses
For why you're not around, and feeling sorta useless
It seems that one thing has been true all along
You don't really know what you've got till its gone
I guess I've had it with you and your career
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it

Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Please Come back home

Please come back home
Please come back home
Please come back home
Please come back home

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Fri, 08 Sep 2006 00:10:34 GMT

So for the past two days (and right now, for that matter) I've been having really bd tension migranes. It's gotten to the point that I don't know quite what to do with myself anymore. It hurts really bad and stuff, but I don't really want to deal with it because I'm just not in the mood. I know it's probably because I've been studying like a mad-woman and pretty much digging my own grave, but I can't seem to stop. It's like I've looked at myself in the mirror and decided that I wasn't good enough.
Not pretty enough.
Not sweet enough.
Not enough. Period.

It's even gotten to the point that I've been stressed out about my job, which sucks because I don';t really want to do divesting anymore. I'm too small for divesting and people don't like their things touched, so what's the point of me even being there other than to cart boxes back and forth, which I'm too small to do in the first place. I seem to be more irritable and accident prone lately, but I can't seem to avoid walking into doorframes, hitting my hip on table corners, banging my knees and shins, stubbing my toes, hurting my hands on my headboard just trying to brush my hair out my face. So I'm probably all bruised and stuff on my legs, I've just not given it thought really.

I can say, however, that I have been a bit more motivated to work on fanfics and stuff. So whenever I'm not killing myself at work with the shit they want me to do or studying the hell out of my text books for English and American Government, I'm working on preliminaries for fanfics and outlining everything that should and will happen in the fic. Or I'm drawing something that usually has to do with Jonathan and I. In fact, last night I stayed up until almost one drawing random pictures of us together. They came out cute, but not perfect, as they were just slightly detailed sketches, and I mean... at one in the morning, doesn't everything look perfect? But I've been doing this for a while so I'm not getting much sleep either.

Speaking of Schedules and studying... I need to remember due-dates. >.>
English IV Research Paper
Bibliography, Outline, & Thesis Statement September 13th
Rough Draft September 26th
Final Product September 28th

But I'm off to work on a fic now. <3
Wish me luck and hope I don't crash and burn before my birthday.

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Tue, 05 Sep 2006 19:02:47 GMT

I'm mad.

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Mon, 04 Sep 2006 00:44:08 GMT

( V )( Y`)
(, ,)(, ,)
o(")")("(")o
Julia & Jon-Jon
9 . 1 . 0 6

You must have been kissing a fool...

YoseiiChang@aol.com — Sun, 03 Sep 2006 00:40:40 GMT

Yesterday was Trevor's birthday. So in honor of Trevor's birthday and it being his 18th, we (as in Kayla, myself, and Marianella) chose to take him out for an afternoon/night of fun. Or at least fun as we could muster with just Julia and Kayla's money because Trevor's a stingy bitch. (And he better fork up that banner for my birthday, God. He's such a cheap cunt)

We went to lunch at Panera Bread and I bought him a peice of chocolate brownie that tasted divine (as Kayla, Mari, and I all ate a bite of it before Trevor got greedy again) and ate our food which will always be awesome. Everyone that was at Panera wished Trevor a happy birthday and we sang to him when I went and got the brownie (they didnt have cupcakes OR candles). He got embarassed and yelled at us, which is typical so we didn't really care.

But we went to the mall afetrwards where I bought some pants and a t-shirt from Hot Topic that has the characters from The Boondocks on it, which totally rocks ass and a pair of earrings for Kayla and myself. I don't remember what they looked like because I really just picked something but I think they had stars on 'em because I like stars. But after that we went and I bought a pair of pants for work and school and we went to Waldenbooks so that Keiko could buy her manga fix and so that Mari and I could borrow them.

Afterwards we went to Barns & Nobles to sit down and read some books. I tried to read Angel Sanctuary but I lost interest somehow and couldn't even get halfway through the 12th volume. This is so not the case when I'm reading Vampire Hunter D. I have no idea why. Maybe because I just love the stories, I dunno. But we sat around Barns & Nobles until Jon-Jon showed up and then we went bowling. (At this point trevor started complaining about a stomach ache and such, which irked me but I didn't say anything because it was his birthday and all).

So we went to AMF to bowl and ended up seeing Tyler there, which freaked me out a little since I havn't heard from the kid in almost three months. He made up some lame excuse about being busy with work and school but I didn't (and still don't) believe him, I just nodded and accepted it because I didn't feel like arguing. I mean, I was with Jon-Jon, right? So we wander off and go bowling and such and I notice that Jon-Jon is acting... insecure. He was pouting and pretty much sectioned himself off from everyone else, who was having a pretty good time. I went over and tried to patch up the situation and he looked at me and was like "You still like him." and I was thrown aback. I mean... what do you say? I just told him that it wasn't true and made up for it with kisses, which made it all the sweeter.

But in doing this Trevor got uber jealous and such, which I didn't particularly care about at this point because when I'm with Jon-Jon... I don't know. Something changes. *glowy* But yeah. So we wrap up the bowling because at this point Trevor is loing to Marianella, who's never bowled in her life, because he keeps throwing gutterballs (and when I say gutterballs, I mean it was almost likehe was trying to left-hook that ball into the gutter and doing a damn good job of it too. So he ended up losing to everyone, Jon-Jon beating all of us and Keiko coming in second place, me third, and Mari after me.

We go outside and stand outside in the parking lot and wait for Trevor, who has gone to the bathroom, and after about ten minutes he marches outside and stomps over to his car and gets in. So Keiko, Mari, and I scramble after him (Me not without good-bye kisses from Jon-Jon and stealing his tie) to attampt to see what's wrong.

The ride home was a bad one because Trevor was pretty much a bitch in every sense of the word the whole ride. He didn't say much but what he did say was a direct complaint against me, which sucked ass but I don't give two shits what he thinks. He's just jealous because I had Jon-Jon and I was happy with him, he was alone because he's a self-serving selfish prick, and he lost the bowling game to someone who'd never played in her life. Yeah I may be slamming him but he deserves it and is entirely lucky I didn't do it in the car because I would have. He pretty much made an ass out of himself, made Mari feel horrible about him having to take her home, and all this other stuff. It pissed me the fuck off and I'll probably smack him for smacking Kayla's hand.

But yeah... so Trevor's birthday sucked at the end because he was acting like the gay bitch he is. But aside from that I had a good day. =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAaza2BiP7k that is possibly the cutest video ever. I love the song and have included the lyrics because they're awesome and cute. It's kind of sad, but it's still an awesome song, because it's George Micheal. =) (Sorry if I misspelled his name but that is hard for me to spell)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiZOcVs61IQ And THAT is quite possibly the hottest thigng I've ever seen in my life. I want it soooo bad with Jon-Jon. I'd... I'd melt into a puddle of goo at his feet if he did that.

~

Kissing A Fool
George Micheal

You were far,
When I could have been your star,
You listened to people,
Who scared you to death, and from my heart,
Strange that you were strong enough,
To even make a start,
But you'll never find
Peace of mind,
Til you listen to your heart,

People,
You can never change the way they feel,
Better let them do just what they will,
For they will,
If you let them,
Steal your heart from you,
People,
Will always make a lover feel a fool,
But you knew I loved you,
We could have shown them all,
We should have seen love through,

Fooled me with the tears in your eyes,
Covered me with kisses and lies,
So goodbye,
But please don't take my heart,

You were far,
I'm never gonna be your star,
I'll pick up the pieces
And mend my heart,
Maybe I'll be strong enough,
I don't know where to start,
But I'll never find
Peace of mind,
While I listen to my heart,

People,
You can never change the way they feel,
Better let them do just what they will,
For they will,
If you let them,
Steal your heart,

And people,
Will always make a lover feel a fool,
But you knew I loved you,
We could have shown them all,

But remember this,
Every other kiss,
That you ever give
Long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man,
One you really can surrender with,
I will wait for you,
Like I always do,
There's something there,
That can't compare with any other,

You were far,
When I could have been your star,
You listened to people,
Who scared you to death, and from my heart,
Strange that I was wrong enough,
To think you'd love me too.
I guess you were kissing a fool,
You must have been kissing a fool.